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smittens

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[04 Jan 2003|04:08pm]
[ mood | good ]

well my birthday was fucking funny, got drunk, fell asleep watched micky be sick all round the powerhouse, got thrown out of there got more drunk went home... everything's been pretty good lately except for a minor 2 hour glitch on new years... fine now though :D

finally i've found a band which i feel i'm at home with... the other two members have the same musical tastes, we seem to gel well and everything is cool

that's about it really, if i updated this as stuff happened it would be way more detailed, but it isn't :D

3 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[29 Dec 2002|02:40pm]
[ mood | tired ]

good night down the adge last night, makes a change... some dodgy photos of me will be on there soon :D

i met some randoms which is weird, made the greatest conga line ever, punched some peeps during hxcore... all good really

i gotta band trial for tim and pavey from gfn's new band on friday, the day after my 18th, i'm gonna be so hung over, so very hung over... it isn't till 2 though so maybe i'll be okay, i just better not fuck it up

i want my car back :(

1 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[28 Dec 2002|02:39pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

i just want to run around... for some reason i have the biggest craving to get my car back, fill it with boyle, sambo and stu then drive somewhere stupid and get pissed

stomp on some 'eads

[18 Dec 2002|04:40pm]
[ mood | artistic ]

i wish i was good at art :( if anyone wants to design some spider webs for me it'd be greatly appreciated :D

went down the pub, played some pool, kinda boring so i went home... that's about it

saw gina last night, it was all good, even though she did sleep on me and snore a lot, it felt good to be that relaxed with each other again :D

oh well, apart from that my life is pretty much the norm... laters

3 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[17 Dec 2002|06:28pm]
[ mood | melancholy ]

does anyone else hate phones? me and gina always seem to have disagreements on phones for some reason, stupid freakin' phones

oh yeah, adam's girlfriend looks like an alien and i wish she would die because she's annoying and gets really offended when i take the piss out of her and decides to start getting all violent and stuffs... god i'd love to smack her round the face

it's good to have all me mates back from uni again... i've missed having them around and stuffs... especially down, for some reason i feel really comfortable around him than anyone else... we just bitch about people (usually adam, well actually his stupid girlfriends) plus jonny rad was with us today and i like it when he gets angry too, makes me smile :)

first time i've been about with bob and pete for a while too (even though they didn't go to uni). they were fun, bob makes me laugh a lot and pete is so perfect it's funny

oh well, fuck phones and fuck stupid situations which i seem to be slipping into, i think if someone gave me a good kickin' it may sort me out a bit...

stomp on some 'eads

[16 Dec 2002|07:08pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

is yately in berkshire?

anyway, gina came back to me (yay), shit happened with some emo kid but in the end all his emtions and all of his perfect lines didn't break the one thing that me and gina have, a direct connection... i would go into stuff more gina knows what i mean and that's all that matters

laters

1 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[15 Dec 2002|05:21pm]
[ mood | good ]

i got inked :D

didn't hurt as much as i thought

looks good

piccies will be up here soon

3 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[13 Dec 2002|10:59pm]
[ mood | okay ]

well, went to the gig, ye wiles pulled out... some chick, who i've now found out is called emily had an afi tattoo, go her. the bloke from the surrey anarchists was there too, hehe

well, spoke to tim about starting a band with him and pavey, all good... also he told me lucky i was to have gina, okay so i may not have her in a weeks time but how i've been acting probably has helped, even though i think sometimes that there's no room for me to convey how i am because all it does is causes trouble... everythings brightened up a bit now... shit happens, if i lose gina it'll suck but as long as i can push my pain to the back of my mind i can manage... i'm a strong person, i've just forgotten over the past couple of days and wallowed in the self pitty i wanted everyone to be feeling for me... that's pointless though, no one cares how i am except for me (mainly because the people who could be involved in the situation haven't been told by me)

well... going to see stix get inked tomorrow... gonna find out how much my tat is gonna cost me

1 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[13 Dec 2002|02:58pm]
[ mood | drunk ]

i've missed alcoholism this past 4 months, puts everything into perspective...

it also makes me do stupid things like buying an afi ticket instead of a christams present

tony's back! means i can get drunk with tony and not alone like now, yay

stomp on some 'eads

[12 Dec 2002|05:50pm]
Alone at last, together in a photograph
Our eyes are always open,
Devoted to perfection...through silence.

What am I supposed to do?
Should I sit, wait for you?
Listen to me screaming more

This story is old only to those that have no mold
The truth can be bought or sold, but what are we buying?
Nothing but silence.

Fold the corners, break the silence...
Fold the corners, just for tonight

Fold the corners, break the silence
When weakened, when will you rise?

*your life can't get any worse when a finch song puts everything into perspective*
2 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[12 Dec 2002|04:55pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

i'm broken, beaten and i've lost the one thing good in my life

all what is her to be right here in my arms, shame last night was the last time that's ever gonna happen...

i've never made one person such a big part of my, my whole life, i'm not gonna do it again, i've been burnt, i'm not going to be burnt again

suicide's my sweetest kiss

4 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[12 Dec 2002|01:46am]
[ mood | nervous ]

first part of my 7 days without her, let me think, i'm sat at a computer consulting my problems instead of being in bed

well, the more i think about it the worse i feel *a bit like this time 12 hours ago* basically a week break where we act as if we dont even know each other, i just keep on thinking i'm loosing it, i clutch at straws at who she may like, i hate people i don't even know because of the fact she may like them, if i see this people i'm gonna go crazy for no just cause... madness uprising...

sometimes i'm even feeling that this is just a test of our relationship... gina wants to test my love for her... but i don't think even she would do that... i know she pushes me away just to see me running back but this is a bit too far...

i'm an idiot, i just feel that at the end of this there's a chance i'm gonna lose everything while she has everything to gain and nothing to lose... if she decides she doesn't want me after this 7 days it prolly because she has some else lined-up, who do i have?

stomp on some 'eads

[12 Dec 2002|01:06am]
Hooligan%20Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
stomp on some 'eads

[11 Dec 2002|04:36pm]
[ mood | sick ]

the more i think about it the more it hurts, the more i talk about it the stronger the pain...

maybe i'm making something out of nothing, or maybe i'm letting her walk all over me

i think this situation is once again going to turn around on me, she obviously wants me to help her with her decision but because i'm a stubborn fuck i'm not

if i let her go it's the only way she'll come back, but the more i think of her being with someone else the more i think *stab, twist*

she wants me to let her go, but if i do and she doesn't come back then i'm fucked, if she goes off her own accord she won't come back i'm fucked, if she doesn't go she'll hate me for not letting her go, fucked again... catch 22 situation, go me, lucky fucking me

stomp on some 'eads

[11 Dec 2002|03:50pm]
When you read this / I will not be the same
I have let my true form show
this is my last / lost in all my guilt
for letting you fall / understand it wasn't me
but I can't dream without showing intentions
as I ask these questions / where were you
now I can't see through your eyes
I remember the day the sun went out
It halted all progression with all its beauty
it just sacrificed / we fell apart
Sincerely yours I've disowned you(X3)
Sincerely yours I've disowned us
stomp on some 'eads

[11 Dec 2002|01:11pm]
[ mood | lonely ]

[bable]

i'm left broken, i'm left beaten
my insides just feel eaten
my heart is shattered along with my life
blood drips from my wrists as it does from the knife
death is what i feel, death is what i am
this past 4 months have been a fucking sham
leave me here, i don't want, i don't care
i hope you feel fine with the guilt you wear
my heart was in your hands, it was yours to keep
now it's on the floor, blood begins to weep
leave me alone before it gets worse
unless you want my life in a hurse
alone i am again with my thoughts to stare
i should have learnt, no one wants me, not one care
you let me believe i was in the wrong
you let me believe i was making the mistakes
you let me believe i was lucky to have you
you let me believe false pretences
i hope you are happy with what you have achieved
things will never be the same, i don't believe
in us anymore, i was just a pawn in the grand scheme
this is how i wipe the slate clean
i hope you are happy as your heart turns black
knowing what you have done
this is my final eulogy, i wash my hands with you
what is done, sadly, is done
the question is...
why do i still love you?

[end bable]

2 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[03 Dec 2002|06:08pm]

What Kind Of Ska Kid Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
1 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[03 Dec 2002|05:48pm]
[ mood | good ]

everythings good now, thanks to jettpunk for calling me last night even though i was an angry bastard (love you :D) and skademon for giving me a virtual hug...

today has been fun, me and boyle went into guildford, waited outside a car park for 45 minutes to actually get in, it was fun though, faith no more and iron maiden made us laugh :D so, went into guildford, bought gina a 10mm fleshy got some food, played virtual tenis went back to mine... this is where the fun started, john madden '92, is any game better?

after that i went to parents evening alone, sorted out my college life a little which is all good...

going around jett's later where i shall give her the fleshy and she'll love me forever

stomp on some 'eads

[02 Dec 2002|08:25pm]
[ mood | frustrated ]

fuck fuck fuck....

everything is pissing me off and my life seems about as fun as this

...

1 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

[01 Dec 2002|06:35pm]
[ mood | mellow ]

well, what's happened lately... this weekend has been really good but i know if it included one more person it would have been a hell of a lot better...

friday, went to high wycombe to watch the exploited and the filaments... me, lynze (ahhhevilclown) and boyle spoke to jon and the vocalist (forgot his name) of the filaments for the whole time after their set and they were really cool peeps... highlight of the night, me, boyle and vocalist dancing to bar room hero by the murphy's, after the exploited finished.

saturday went to a party populated with farnborough 6th people (ie. idiots) the party was funny watching the drunk peeps, plus i made 10$ on the fruitys :D everyone was drunk apart from me which was cool as i was so fucking drunk on friday night, i just really missed gina (jettpunk)... really missed her... we had the most amazing night on thursday and i just didn't want to let go off her...

gina went down the adge last night and i was gonna go after the party but for some reason i just felt like maybe she would have been doing something i didn't want to see... i totally know she wouldn't of but i just had that feeling last night, stupid me...

it always seems that when everything's fine that's when i worry most... because maybe it's not but i just think it is... if i read her journal then i'd probably find out but i'm nice and don't do that unless request to, unlike her who reads it all the time :D like now, i can see you reading it...

2 stomped on some 'eads| stomp on some 'eads

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